Thursday, April 28, 2005

volleyball early commitment story

My Early Commitment
Our older daughter called the other day with the good news, "The club sent a letter offering me a spot on their 16-1 team."
Mrs. Boris, always positive, was first, "That's wonderful dear, we're really proud of you."
It was left to me to be the sceptic,"It's great but haven't you already played in college?"
"Ha ha..."
"Oh, you mean they want you to coach the 16-1 team. But you live back east?"
Mrs. Boris kicked me.
"You're always welcome to come home dear. "
I put my hand over the phone.
"You said I could put a pc-based home theater in that bedroom..."
"Get a life...." she hissed.
"I have a life, I drop off and pick the younger one up from tryouts and practices year round."
"I'm not coaching for them, I already have a job and live on the east coast,' the older daughter interrupted our argument.
Mrs. Boris and I shrugged.
"The place on the 16's team isn't for me, it's for my daughter."
"But you're not married and you don't have any kids yet."
"Do you have news for us?"
Mrs. Boris's voice brimmed with excitement.
"Of course not. I don't want to get married yet. You guys are so dumb."
"You remember how that 6"6" 8th grader got a scholarship at USC last spring?"
"You remember how club tryouts last year started the week before JOs and you complained that it made no sense to make kids try out for under 18's before they finished playing 14's."
"Yeah, I posted on that bulletin board about it being bad for the sport not to let players prove themselves in high school matches before they pick teams."
Mrs. Boris groaned, "You mean the one where you write things and then no one will sit near us during matches."
"Yes, mom, that one."
"Well, how was I supposed to know that the only poeple who can play volleyball have to be able to touch 10' or that coaches don't care whether you can actually play when they recruit you, because they all believe they can teach you everything.
"What's he talking about?"
"Mom, this is the next step. Clubs are getting so competitive about getting the tallest most athletic girls, they've stopped waiting for the girls to be born."
"So we're not having a grandchild?"
"Mom, can we talk about this grandchild thing another time?"
Mrs. Boris left me on the phone to talk to our older daughter,
"How do I say this? You were a good player, but you weren't Logan Tom or Cheryl Weaver? Shouldn't the club be sending them offers instead of you?"
"Well, Keri Walsh and Casey Jennings already have 15 offers of spots on 18 one teams, six scholarships, and an offer of a four thousand square foot house outside Louisville, Kentucky."
"Wow, that's quite an assumption there. What are they offering Logan Tom?"
"Not much, cause she said in FHM she danced with her teammates in clubs in Italy and that lowered her odds of having children. She did get an offer from Britney Spears's record company though. Same sort of thing with Cheryl Weaver, because she got Vern Troyer's autograph once."
"Okay, but why you?"
"Well, I went out to dinner with an all ACC basketball player and after that all thse letters started coming in. They do something called gene interpolation. They run your sequence with the guy and they can tell what kind of vertical the baby will have?
"This is kind of perverse."
"why do you say that?"
"Well, it's like breeding race horses not raising kids. Shouldn't they at least see if the kid can play?"
"They don't need to do that anymore. It works in basketball. That's why they draft all those high school players?"
"All those high school players who did so well in the Olympics?"
"They're still the best athletes in the world. Look at Tracy Mcgrady and Kobe Bryant, they never went to college."
"Right, look at Kobe Bryant."
"It's the new American way, everything high tech."
"I thought the American way was anyone who worked hard could be anything she wants to be?"
"You guys are so Jimmy Carter. It’s not all genetic destiny. There’s still stuff like human growth hormone and performance enhancing drugs."
There was a pause, "Oh my god! this is all your fault."
"What’s my fault?"
"They just sent me an e-mail...They took away the offer for the 16-1 team and gave it to Jennifer Carey."
"What are you talking about? I have nothing to do with your genetic destiny. I'm your stepfather."
"Well, one of the colleges found out that you used to play Cat Stevens records in the house"
"She’s already on a no fly list. Can't go to road matches, can’t be recruited."
"Look, you want to talk to your mom?"

Part 2 of Story



Post a Comment

<< Home