Homicide with Ryan Seacrest and the Boys (American Idol 6 Review)

George Huff would have been this year's best male singer and John Peter Lewis would have been second behind George

My pal Ryan Seacrest and I met up the other night so he could pick up some chicks. On our way down to the club, there was this guy surrounded by attractive young ladies and I turned to Ryan and said, “Wow, wish I were good looking like that.”

Ryan’s eyes went wide and he said, “I wouldn’t know about whether any guy looks good. Besides, you’re a terrible dresser and have no idea how to accessorize.”

I tapped Ryan on the shoulder for a moment and he jumped back,”Whoa, no way any dude touches the guy who did Teri Hatcher and Cheryl Crow.”

“Sorry Ryan, forgot. By the way, how was your pedicure this afternoon?”

Ryan nods “You know, the same old same old. Btw, Don’t you think that Simon Cowell is a fashion disaster? I just hate him so much.”

I quickly change the subject, “Did you see Gerald Green’s dunk over Nate Robinson last weekend? That was something else.”

“Nope, sorry was at the spa, but I sure love Kobe’s hair this year. Very today.”

Anyway, I was very excited about going out on the prowl with Ryan again tonight so I could get the inside scoop on the top 24, but Ryan decided to go hang with Ted Haggard this weekend to go shop for power tools and maybe go bear hunting after a little chicken dinner. After that, they’re using the power tools to remodel Ryan’s closet together. Apparently he had too many things to hang up and the guys from Queer Eye for the Straight Idol Host refused to help him out- some silly business about principle.

So sadly, I have no Ryan insight on whether Antonella Barba is hotter than Alaina Alexander in person or what he thought of Sabrina Sloan’s see through top. At the same time, I had the same reaction to the men that Ryan appeared to have. Ewwwww!

These can’t really be the twelve best male singers they found out of a hundred thousand people who tried out. I mean I’d remember what the best guy sang instead of the fact that Phil Stacy looked like Nosferatu and I wouldn’t be asking things like wow Blake Lewis did a pretty good impression of Sting with that Keane song so he might have been second best.

Clearly, the most talked about of the males at this point is Chris Sligh. Let me put this straight out. I don’t like the guy. It’s not his singing which isn’t that bad. It’s not even that he threw the tele-tubbies thing at Simon. It’s him or to be more precise the fact that I’m one of the people who saw his blogs before he made the semis.

I don’t have a problem with Chris Slime being Christian and I don’t think Christians have to go around praying all the time. Many of the ones I know are very funny even irreverently so, slightly rebellious, and certainly able to have a good time. Sligh’s blogs revealed that the guy’s moves on the show are very calculated as in “What persona do you think I should put on to get myself on the show?”

It struck me that he wants to be famous for its own sake. I imagine at some point after he’s gone a few rounds, he’ll play the spiritual card and likely play it better than Mandisa did last year, but there’s a certain hypocrisy happening here that starts with his set up with Ryan on Thursday night.

“I love Simon and I meant absolutely no disrespect with my remark about Il Divo and the Teletubbies?”

It’s a flat out lie. He obviously meant to get a reaction. It was part of his plan and if it wasn’t disrespectful, what in the name of anyone’s God was it? Sligh was just doing damage control and he chose the smarmy route, i.e. he was basically Peter denying Jesus when he actually had the opportunity to show some integrity. What kind of convictions does the guy actually have other than a desire to get ahead on the show?

Taylor Hicks might have played the Idol game extremely shrewdly, but he seemed to do so because he appeared to be very committed to his music. Kellie Pickler in all likelihood overplayed the bumpkin thing along with the sad back story last year at least partly because she was a better comedienne than she was a singer. Still, there was something ultimately honest and likeable about Kellie herself. She was doing it all with a bit of a wink. Chris Sligh is really closer to Richard Hatch, the first winner of Survivor. He’s doing it for the fame/money and it all strikes me as a bit cold-hearted and spiritually empty. If he loves the music, it hasn’t gotten across so far.

I should add that the Bob Jones University connection probably didn’t help. My wife and I aren’t the same race. I know not every student at Bob Jones University necessarily believes what its trustees believe. They’ve even had major civil rights leaders like George W. Bush and John McCain speak there during the South Carolina primary so it obviously tolerates a greater diversity of opinion than school policy would suggest. If you want to know what I mean, just ask Karl Rove a couple push poll type questions about Senator McCain’s family. I just figure that now that Simon’s laid down the gauntlet to Ryan about “doing the news”, I’d love to see Ryan ask Chris Slime something like,”Well, how do you feel about Jared Cotter or A.J. Tablado’s families,” or “I know you’re very uncomfortable with gay people like my pal Tim Hardaway and me, but could you say a little something about it for America?”

(added on 2/26/07) I came across one of Chris Sligh's blogs that still appears to be online. He does, in fact, make his differences with Bob Jones University and his personal views quite clear there. On this particular issue, I'm happy to say that I'm glad to have found out a bit more about him. He comes across as a thoughtful fellow in his blog, something different for a would be Idol. I still didn't find the apology all that sincere though.

Here’s my take on some of the other guys?

Rudy Cardenas: Simon treated him like he was Hugo Chavez. At the same time, Simon may have been right. His Free Ride cost him. Anyone else thinking Adam Sandler-Wedding Singer?

Paul Kim: he wanted America to forget William Hung and then managed to not even outlast Sway Penala. I was pulling for the Seoul Brother purely out of racial solidarity, but when you start the competition by telling everyone about your gimmick what’s that say about what you think about your own singing? I think he shot himself in his bare foot. Btw, I don’t have hdtv. When he was doing the sing out, it looked like he was wearing shoes. One other thing. You know those old Asian discos where everyone was maybe two or three years out of style. Why is it that Paul Kim set off that vibe? Oddly enough William Hung did too.

Sundance Head: He seemed so tiny behind that giant mike. It even shrank what I thought was a huge though apparently erratic voice. The show seems to be making him a villain of sorts. Vote for the Worst has already claimed him. He started as Taylor 2, but now he’s Scot Savol with weird facial hair. Poor family. Dad got knocked off the charts by the Beatles. Son gets knocked off of TV by A J Tablado and Nick Pedro? I do look forward to next week when Sundance does Electric Light Orchestra.

Sanjaya Malakar: Someone’s screwing around here. He wasn’t that bad and actually has a very good voice. Like many others, I’m a bit creeped out by the Michael Jackson vibe he has and worried that he’s just not ready, but I’m not upset at all that he’ll get at least one more chance to finish puberty while on the show.

Brandon Rogers: Another guy who can sing, but Michael Jackson? I find this very interesting. Idol has seen competitors try to cover any number of artists who are very good even iconic singers like Whitney Houston, Stevie Wonder, Mariah Carey, Aretha (way too often, and even Elvis and Sinatra. Now and then though, someone covers one of those artists well enough to be memorable. Have you ever noticed that no one ever covers Michael Jackson memorably? I suspect that the King of Pop, pre-whatever he started doing to himself, was a much more extraordinary performer than most people think. Anyway, the Idols keep trying and I keep asking “Where’s the charisma?”

Chris Richardson: Justin Timberfake

Blake Lewis: Is my choice for the guy who’s playing the game the best so far. I thought he was pretty good with the Keane, but certainly not all that great on its own merits. Everyone was going, “Gee, he doesn’t have to beatbox. Wow.” He was also smart to come off as the first performer who didn’t seem to remember American Bandstand and Where the Action Is.

Jared Cotter: When I heard the name I was hoping this might be Jared from the Subway ads. When they brought him out, I was thinking, “Gee, maybe I should eat at Subway every day for the next twelve years,” and my pal Ryan was texting me “Now, that’s my kind of guy. You know as a buddy, of course.”

AJ Tablado: I have to like anyone who tried out five times. I wonder if he had his collar down the first four times? Paula, who spent the last two weeks as a remarkably dignified voice of hope and encouragement after all that speculation, may be right. AJ really has an appealing voice, but I’m not sure what to make of the rest of the package. How many male contestants have been that much shorter than Ryan?

Nick Pedro: Likeable guy, but if you look closely at his forehead, there's a big stamp on it that says "semi-final fodder". My guess is that he'll do the crooner thing next and he'll have to be better than good at it to stick around. I'm not talking Harry Connick or Michael Buble good either.

Phil Stacy: He’s a dad. He’s an active duty service man. He has pointed ears, looks like a bat at certain angles, and can’t start any song well possibly because he orients with sonar. He came the closest of anyone to sounding like someone who might be in the final 12. How miserable is that?

Dawg,man, I don't know. I just don't know. I got to be real here, but if they eliminated all 12 guys next week, I wouldn't miss anyone. Phone home Elliott Yamin...please phone home.

End of part one click for part 2

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