The Bachelor Rome Episode 5.25 "Sweet Fantasies" (tv review)

(Jean Cocteau's 1946 version of the Bachelor is still considered the best)

Weird episode of the Bachelor last night, I couldn’t believe the look on Faith Hill’s face when Lorenzo didn’t give her a rose at the end.

I personally didn’t think it was fair to bring in all those new ladies just before the fantasy dates, but I have to compliment Mike Fleiss on the American Idol tie in with Lorenzo giving a rose to Carrie Underwood. That was especially good tv to have the camera briefly cut to Anthony Federov in his tux waiting for the coming romantic showdown between the immigrant Ukrainian crooner and the Italian Prince who doesn’t speak Italian. I have to also say that the new bachelorettes on the show sure sang a lot better than the old ones did on opera night with Vitorrio Grigolo.

I have to complain that this week’s show was a couple hours longer than necessary and I have no idea why they switched from Italy to Nashville so suddenly, but maybe Chris Harrison will explain some of that when they do the “Women Tell All” in a couple weeks between thirteen minutes of the Erica outtakes and the five minutes of let’s bring Lisa and her timetable to tears on national television.

On Tuesday, the American people delivered my idea of a great fantasy date. They handed out blue roses instead of red ones. It even looks like one of the Bachelorettes, Nancy from San Francisco, might take over the house instead of keeping the guy. If you ask me, I have no idea how that guy Dennis stayed on as long as he did. It’s got to be a deal breaker when you go on a one on one date with a guy and he reveals that he ignored the fact that his middle-aged Bachelor brother was making passes at sixteen year old boys.

Now that Prince Lorenzo has had two reality television weeks to rest up for his fantasy dates, the show’s writers have had the opportunity to reinvigorate the show. An anonymous informant who calls herself Doctor Rotting Eggs e-mailed me a pdf document that apparently is a list of suggestions from Mike Fleiss’s secret crew of scriptwriters. She explained to me that she is not a real Doctor at all, but an actress who has now been unable to get roles other than one offer to be a combination secret government agent and swimsuit model for some reality show.

Sadie

1. By far the best tv would be for the Prince to pull a Marquis de Sadie and seduce the San Diego bachelorette into a Dangerous Liaison then dump her because he feels so guilty about getting her to give up her virtue.


2. Second best possibility, Sadie disappears to ponder the Prince’s offer of time in the fantasy suite and reveals to the Prince that she was born “Sam” and they wind up watching the “Crying Game” together while talking through the night.


3. Sadie realizes that she wants the Prince to love her on her own terms, bids him good night, and he gives her a rose anyway, but just before the final rose show it’s revealed that the Prince called Desiree from his room that night.

Jennifer

1. Agrees to go to the fantasy suite, but they both fall asleep from boredom after Jennifer discusses her teaching career. Jennifer’s father knocks on the door the next morning without using his knuckles.


2. Reveals to the prince that for several generations her family has been werewolves and it just happens to be a full moon.


3. Lets the prince know that she really really likes him and could see herself moving to New York to get to know him better.

Lisa

1. Brings her wedding dress to the fantasy suite, but Prince Lorenzo doesn’t notice. It turns out that he’s been enchanted by an evil sorceress and after midnight turns into a hideous beast. Lisa asks him if he will still keep to her timetable. He nods. She stays anyway.


2. Discusses her timetable at length with the prince. He asks her about breaking up with a boyfriend just three weeks before going on the show. Lisa reveals that she was dating the same man who was engaged to Susan Edds during Dr. Travis’s season.


3. The Prince gets an aside to the camera where he begins to question Lisa’s motives and whether or not she has actual feelings for him or if she’s just interested in “winning”. As he questions her, Lisa pulls out a single edged razor blade and begins swiping wildly near Lorenzo’s mid-section. A SWAT team is called in and Lisa finally turns Lorenzo over when they offer her a stack of bridal magazines. She comes to the ceremony anyway and Lorenzo surprises everyone by giving her a rose.

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