Women of Match Destruction (Bachelor 11 Brad Womack)

Lancechucky, my identical twin blogger, and I were hanging out in the living room watching the Women Tell All when Lance turned to me and said, “Wow, that had to be about the most romantic moment I’ve ever seen on the show!”

“Lance, you’ve got to be kidding. No one’s said a nice thing about Deanna and they’ve barely mentioned Jenni. On top of that, the ladies are being brutal with one another. It almost makes you wonder if Brad should pick anyone.”

“I wasn’t talking about Brad.”

Lance, as usual, had a point. Why is the romantic chemistry between Chad and Sheena so much better than what Brad has with any of the ladies? Is it the fact that Chad’s already married and thus unavailable? (actually, Chris mentioned Chad's wife, but I'm wondering how either Deanna or Jenni assuming one winds up with Brad are going to react to the Sheena love? "So, you liked Sheena better than me, well it just so happens we can't go on that trip with you guys next month.") Is it that the last time we encountered Brad, he was getting busy with at least two of the ladies in Cabo and talking about the virtues of spending the night together and getting to know one another that way? Was it that weird thing with Bettina Bell’s parents that got even weirder on the Women Tell All?

Call me crazy, but the most striking thing about Chad is that he was talking about Sheena having class and how his respect for her had grown tenfold just from watching the way she handled herself on the show. Chad actually has “game” when it comes to romance, possibly because that’s who he is inside. If Brad says anything romantic, it feels like the producers scripted it for him. Romance may not necessarily be passed genetically.

I don’t doubt that the “sexiest bachelor ever”, at least according to Chris Harrison, is a nice guy. I just think that Brad and Chad aren’t completely identical in ways that go beyond being left in the dryer too long, having a blonde patch underneath one ear, and sounding completely different. Go back to Chad’s proposal to Dillon Womack. Compare that to the attempt to “recreate” that date with Sheena and Brad’s decision a week later that the “chemistry” just wasn’t there. I know it’s a tv show, but Brad has it out of order. The romantic date is the result of the chemistry, it’s not the other way around. It also involves some amount of mutual chasing and doubt which never quite happened on this installment. Of course, Sheena apparently found a boyfriend post-Brad. I wonder how her mom likes the guy?

The rest of the Women Tell All had three basic themes. Hillary Reisinger got major screen time to show America what a good sport she is. Good old Brad even managed to tell her “I think more highly of you than you think.” Whoa! Was that supposed to make her feel better? It’s right up there with Bettina’s “I don’t look so good on paper either.” Hillary was funny at points, “I looked like I needed PMS medication” yet some of the mean girl quality didn’t rub away entirely. I was thinking, “She probably is really fun, but she’s also not all that nice in actuality unless it’s Brad.” I’ve always hated the combination in real life fwiw. “Hey, when I called you a “used car” it was all in fun and when I said that she smelled like old fish, same thing. What’s the matter with you that you don’t want to be friends with me?” For me, it doesn’t help that Hillary does resemble a younger Melanie Griffith, as someone on the boards pointed out.

While he’s limited most of the season to saying “It’s a tough choice” and “This is your last rose” (apparently that was a very critical function when Jesse Palmer did the show), Women Tell All is Chris Harrison’s chance to strut his stuff. He didn’t disappoint especially in the exchanges with Hillary. Chris pushed her about the obviousness of Brad’s signals, comparing it to skywriting “friends” and Hillary thinking the message was a proposal.

Theme two was that most of the women were actually auditioning for a sitcom pilot tentatively titled “Everybody Hates McCarten.” It’s got to be better than that Christina Applegate show they squeezed between Dancing with the Stars and His Bradness. My theory is that the Sam character got amnesia after a disastrous home visit on the Bachelor. If Brad worried that he cut the wrong ladies at those early rose ceremonies, all he needs to do is watch the first seven minutes of the Women Tell All and he’ll never have second thoughts again.

Theme three was Bettina Bell. There was no mention of Sheena’s mother proposing to Brad via horoscope, but we got videotape of Robert Bell “judging” poor Brad because he questioned the show’s unwritten rule that all women must swoon over the sexiest bachelor ever and the amazing catch that is Brad Womack. Something about Georgetown families I guess. Tessa’s family was hardly warm and welcoming.

1) Brad felt “judged” and I would definitely agree that the family could have been a whole lot more subtle with their doubts at least based on the edit.

2) Shockingly, Bettina defended her family. She felt they were just looking out for her and that their questions weren’t out of line. Even more un-Bachelor like, she felt that Brad had reacted poorly in not sucking it up and just answering their concerns.

The audience and Chris seemed to go dead silent at this. I’m not sure any final four lady has ever dared to be mad at anything the Bachelor did other than to fail to offer her a rose. I don’t agree with her, but it was fun to see someone break from the pack.

3) Various ladies expressed their concerns because Bettina said that her date was “boring and sucked” compared to Sheena’s. In Bachelor history, this is up there with the holocaust, 9/11, Darfur, and the Armenian genocide. My god, there are starving Bachelorettes in the Sudan and you can’t appreciate just having one on one time with the Bachelor under any circumstances!

4) Bettina wound up in a montage of losing Bachelorettes describing what she would want in the next Bachelor. She said she wanted hers to be “highly-educated”. Was this a dig at Brad? Did the producers put her up to it?

5) Finally, Brad suggested that Bettina was “retiring” and possibly too aware of the cameras on their fantasy date to be genuinely forthcoming. Did he mean like Jenni Croft forthcoming? Let me make a small point. Most sane people are careful in front of national television cameras. They realize that the Bachelor is less of a “reality” show than it is a game show. You really want to bare your soul to some guy who’s going to dump you before the after the final rose show anyway?

Perhaps even more interesting, Bettina's family was very concerned about the bar lifestyle, specifically mentioning that the owner comes home at two in the morning or later. Brad has said that he's been in long term relationships that didn't work partly because he was too busy with building his business. Given that perspective, Bettina's parents' questions maybe weren't out of line at all. Brad's work may well have gotten in the way of his past relationships.

Actually, my big question about Bettina came when that woman from the audience asked Bettina if she was uncomfortable about Brad having had overnights with two other women. Given how badly it went starting with the home visit, why did Bettin answer “Yes” and “Up to that point, I hadn’t even kissed him," which wasn't exactly a denial. Mmmmm….for two people who seemed that much on the outs with one another, I’m wondering what happened after the hot tub bit. By the way, if you want to find attractive women, I recommend hanging out in the Women Tell All audience. They'll probably assume that any guy there is gay, but you can probably find ways to get around that, maybe tell them that Chad Womack is your best friend.

At that point, my wife came into the living room to complain that Bettina seemed to have stolen Cameron Diaz’s hairstyle from the hair gel scene in Something about Mary and that she’s way dumber than Deanna. Mrs. Chancelucky then restated her preference for Deanna over Dances with Dolphins. Our household’s not really big on giggly-flirty women. She then started flirting shamelessly but without giggling with Lancechucky and I had to remind her that my identical twin blogger sometimes blogs about bars and “Woud she really want to have to migrate her bookmarks host just to be with Lancechucky?”


Probably the single most interesting thing about Bachelor 11 is that there’s so much doubt about how it ends. Those who spend their work days posting about such matters seem genuinely evenly split between Jenni and Deanna. There’s also a substantial number of people who note that Brad seems evasive about having made a choice at all. Bachelor finale security seems to have improved dramatically since the Enquirer used to regularly "spoil" the ending a few days in advance. Maybe there is something we can thank the Patriot Act for? Even the ladies split almost evenly 6-5 Jenni, though there’s a story that Bettina refused to choose until they talked her into a retake.

Looking back, I’m just glad they shortened the show this season. I’m still betting on Deanna because of the soul mate thing. Maybe Jenni will come out on the finale with the entire Phoenix Suns dance squad, half a dozen dolphins, and do that mirror dance she was working on? Maybe Jade and Hillary will do a SWAT team operation to keep Brad from giving the final rose to Deanna? Maybe Chad really is Brad? Why is i that every time I watch the women tell all, I feel like I've lost several thousand brain cells?

I know this is completely inappropriate but has anyone else noticed what TWTA (the women tell all) is an anagram for?

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