Getting to First Base (Bachelorette 4 Round of 15)

I look forward to a season when the show segues from the Magic Castle to having Siegfried help Roy find a wife.

I’ve never thought of Tommy Lasorda as a romantic advisor, but that may have something to do with the book Secrets of a Hollywood Super Madam. When I compare the Dodger Stadium date to the tennis date during the Matt-Shayne season, I think it’s a clear sign that Fleiss (try connecting some dots here Tommy Lasorda, Jody Gibson's former friend Heidi Fleiss) is probably a bit more on his game (sorry about the pun) with the Deanna installment. Instead of the ultra-annoying Ashlee Williss or Shayne and Chelsea doing cartwheels for Matt’s amusement, they got a soap opera worthy bit in the dugout with Jeremy Anderson’s story of having experienced the loss of both his parents. It was especially emotional because rather than leave it at “my dad died”, they actually let Jeremy go on about how his father used to be his baseball coach. That gives the viewer the impression that Jeremy’s dad was up there inspiring him during the home run hitting contest so that he hits six or four more than any other guy. (Apparently the other bachelors were so jealous that he turned Jeremy in to George Mitchell's steroid investigation team)

When Deanna decides to give the guy a rose (not to be confused with Pete Rose), they naturally show it on the Jumbotron and that leads to a very well developed fit of jealousy from the other guys. In essence, the whole Jeremy storyline includes mushy romantic confession, a testosterone war with Ron and Ryan Hoag the Virgin pro-football player (Ryan might do well as part of Siegfried and Roy), and a pushup contest where Jeremy happens to beat both Ron and Ryan then quits least he draw too much attention to his uber-manliness. Jesse Csincsak, the least macho looking of the guys, naturally wins the contest at just under a hundred. I have to say that was just really good reality television.

For once, the winner of the first rose appears to have a more interesting arc than everyone hates me because I’m beautiful, the standard plot line with Bachelor first rose winners.

It’s pretty clear that Twilley stays on for comic relief rather than any actual potential for a final rose unless it comes with a lifetime gift certificate at Starbucks. The scene at the Magic Castle where he turns into the spinner of endless but pointless story got edited to look strangely painful. Btw When martial arts guy Sean Ramey was battling the annoying piano, I was waiting for him to kick it into a thousand pieces then calmly return to the love seat with Deanna and say “Well now, where were we?”

Twilley then realizes that he maybe fell too much in love with the camera instead of Deanna there and frets over how to make amends with Jason who encourages Twilley to go for it (mmmm….was this purposeful sabotage). Twilley then hides in the bushes as Deanna returns from her rose-bestowing date with Graham. This is one bright guy!
Deanna takes it well, which means that she doesn’t call 911, but Twilley’s chances seem to have gotten worse not better. He makes another pleas at the pre-rose cocktail party and somehow gets his rose. Again, I was struck by the way they did this. We were all totally annoyed by Twilley’s endless commentary and his capacity to chatter without actually disclosing anything about himself. At the same time, I could understand Deanna’s reasons for keeping him. He really did seem to be trying. Can you have a less romantic job than being in the debt management business? I guess he could be a repo guy or a funeral home director like Dan Ackroyd in My Girl (another blended family movie) where they had the good sense and taste to knock off Macaulay Caulkin. Whatever happened to Anna Chlumsky anyway?

My take on Graham Bunn is that they’re setting him up more or less as Brad 2.0. Good God, the guy even manages a bar or is it a couple bars? He has the same facial hair thing going on and while he says the right stuff, he’s a bit stand-offish at the same time. He was also genuinely charming with his failed attempts to reenact the Kite Runner (good movie btw) which if you’re into subliminal hints winds up being about the creation of a blended family. He also probably won some hearts when he confronted Deanna at the camp fire about wanting some body language that fit the mood. For a shy guy, he was pretty damn smooth there. I also suspect that’s the crux of Graham’s run on the show. He’s going to have commitment problems and Deanna’s maybe going to call him on it. In the meantime, she’s going to be drawn to his cool approach to the courtship especially after dealing with Twilley, Ron, Paul, et. al.

I suppose I’m going to be really embarrassed when Jason, the single dad, gets sent home, but I’m still feeling that he’s the story line for this installment and for once they’re letting it build at more or less the right pace by showing his rivals scoring major points with Deanna while he hems and haws about breaking the news about being Dustin Hoffman’s character in Kramer vs. Kramer or if you’re really old Bill Bixby in Courtship of Eddie’s Father (Deanna can you be like Mrs. Livingston?) or if you’re like John McCain’s age Fred Mcmurray in My Three Sons (take a look at William Frawley the grandpa in the early years who also used to be Lucy’s landlord). You know the drill by now, being a single Dad has made me a better person and my son is the best part of me. Until he can come out to her about having to do laundry and meet with the day care lady instead of playing poker and watching NASCAR (gee that’ll turn any woman off :}), Jason has to play Peter Parker-Clark Kent. He basically bumbles even though Deanna shows signs of being attracted to the guy, like picking him first for the disappearing act.

Btw. I thought the Bachelor folk weren’t allowed to talk to anyone during the filming. What’s with letting this guy have a cellphone and talking to the boy? Weren’t the isolation and the constant presence of alcohol supposed to turn them all into drunken camera-crazed idiots?

Anyway he winds up confessing to the guys before he tells Deanna. You got one potential source of drama there. Second, they make it appear like Ryan the virgin is going to “out” Jason to Deanna in the name of being different (Siegrfried and Roy were probably different too) from other guys and really trying to protect her. Ryan never gets the chance as Deanna seems to correctly spot the fact that the guy has a knack for talking about himself a lot in the name of talking about his “faith”. I was honestly trying to make sense of why the guy would be that into Deanna who spent the night in Brad’s fantasy suite all of six months ago and thus is very unlikely saving her special gift for her future husband for life (is that like being president for life?). What kind of Chirstian calls someone he doesn’t really know “A Dick” on national tv ?

While we’re at it, what’s this business about Deanna not having dated anyone since the last time she was on the Bachelor? She’s honestly decided this is a better way to find the love of her life? It brings back memories of Deanna weird sparring with Jade on their double date with Brad. To quote one of the best Bachelor’s ever at least according to Chris Harrison, “We might be a slice short of a picnic” here too.

Other thoughts:

Robert Fair the Chef: Wow, not only will he be the guy who gets picked last when they Bachelors choose teams for the softball game, they made him eat hot dogs with red wine instead of beer. Hard to understand why he got a rose anyway except maybe she liked his singing in that outtake at the end.

Eric Papachristos: I think I figured it out. I’m pretty sure this guy is Greek. Did he know that Deanna is only half-Greek? Deanna scored major points by dumping him so he could go marry one of the cousins from that Nina Vardalos movie about marrying a non-Greek. Don’t these guys ever actually watch the movie?

Chris: I guess she just didn’t like guys who sing like Roseanne Barr and who hit about as well as she does. I guess if he’d made it to the majors, it would have had to be with an American league team.

Fred: Was he even on the show? Why did she even give him a rose? Maybe she needs someone to file the restraining order against Twilley for her?

Richard Mathy: for a shy guy, he sure had that bar pickup routine with the paper flower down.

Ron Mayer: Confrontational enough? The drama seems like a good reason to keep him around for at least one more show, but he seems like a character out of Big Brother or even The Mole.

Paul: Don’t they have laws against flashing in Canada? Deanna definitely likes guys who are up front, but I still figure this guy is fodder regardless of how quickly he wants kids.

Jesse: Nice story about the truckdriver dad making peanut butter sandwiches. It was straight out of some romance movie. Deanna seems to respond well to the guys who have actual stories as opposed to the type who say “Amazing” over and over. He sort of makes me think Robin Williams a little bit physically. My wife who is very shallow (something that doesn’t explain me at all) in certain ways keeps saying “How can she date a guy who looks like that?”

Brian: I just don’t see Deanna Pappas married to some high school football coach. I figure that Paul, Ron, Fred, Robert, and this guy all leave about the same time, but you can probably get pretty interesting odds on which one stays the longest.

You know, I’m actually looking forward to Ellen, Deanna getting thrown from the mechanical bull (remember Tessa faked it to get Andy’s attention), etc. They’ve got several storylines in place this time and they seem to be keeping the “crazy” at a minimum. My one question is why have the guys move in with her, if they don’t show any footage in the house? I’m sure they’ll fix that. My wife’s even said that four or five of the guys are even more than okay, but as I said she can be very shallow. I did notice that they have short guys , but once again no fat guys just like they don’t have overweight women on the Bachelor. I figure that’s the next frontier. I was walking through town the other day and we Americans are getting wider and wider as in having to move into the gutter to make room for people walking side by side on the sidewalk. Maybe a Bachelor edition where they do a makeover and give “roses” to whoever loses the most weight that week?

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