Tuesday, October 02, 2007

The One with the Modeling Portfolio (Bachelor 11 Brad Womack #2)

So why didn't they tell us whose betting style Brad liked?

The key to great reality television is editing and Fleiss et. al. were certainly on their game when Solisa Shoop, the former American Idol contestant from Georgetown, Texas invited Brad to do a body shot in her east Texas hill country. One disjointed crosscut later, Solisa is using her alone time with the Bachelor to tell him that she’s a Christian with very clear belief in morals and values. That’s followed by Solisa beachside announcement that she just happens to be comfortable with her body.

In the meantime, Bettina Bell, the California divorcee, enhances the drama by voicing her outrage to the camera. Apparently, she didn’t approve of Solisa’s reenactment of the communion service at Our Lady of the Big Ta Tas. So, here’s what I don’t get. Thirty minutes later we see Bettina afraid to confess to Brad that she’s been married and divorced already. Okay, the guy had his tongue buried somewhere near a complete stranger’s cleavage the day before and you were there. Now you’re afraid that he’s so conservative that he won’t give you a rose for having been divorced? Either you know he doesn't care about things like that or you shouldn't care if wants to give you a rose or not.

American mating rituals are filled with double standards and double binds. It’s possible that Bettina did read “the sexiest bachelor ever” perfectly accurately. He does appear to be a cipher. He's equally intrigued, as he confesses, by women who are wildly aggressive and those who are more reserved. He doesn’t appear to have radar for the gossipy ones. One of the turning points for Andy Baldwin’s image last season was when he cut all the ladies who tried to talk negatively about the other ladies on the ski date. Brad gives Jade Beazley a rose anyway even after she tries to play Iago with Jenni’s modeling portfolio. Even worse, he keeps Hillary who broke into Jenni’s suitcase to look at Jenni’s modeling portfolio. Should I mention that he also kept McCarten Delaney who accused the stretcher-bound Michele Leavy of conniving for a pity rose? Naturally, he also keeps Jenni. Bottom line, this guy is all over the map.

Obviously, I don’t know Brad Womack from Adam, even if it’s Adam Mesh from Average Joe. Still, I worry about the guy’s, for want of a better term, self knowledge. I mean, let’s talk about McCarten (if she doesn’t get a rose I suggest she look up Sean Phillips, the Chargers linebacker who came on the show to put a late hit on Jesse Palmer) and the wipe away kiss. The San Diego lady appears to kiss Brad way too early, he pulls away, then wipes it off, she calls him on it, and he gives her a rose anyway. I’d say encroachment, pass interference, and maybe even personal foul all on the same play. Brad on the other hand can’t even read his own body language. Instead, he’s asking his new best friend forever, Sean Phillips, for dating advice. “Hey Man, which one of the ladies did you like, Man…Thanks Man….You’re the greatest Man.”

Who the hell talks that way anymore? You’d have to think life was some sort of extended beer commercial to talk that way. Either that or you’ve spent a lot of time rousting drunks from your bar at four in the morning. Mmmmm…. One other possibility, it's a white guy talking to a black man and taking great pains to sound down with it.

If Brad wanted genuinely good advice, he could have talked to Andy Baldwin’s friend Gatsby (Mitch Thrower) who also happens to live in San Diego. Just a rule of thumb
on this show, if they ever bring on the friends or “guys” to help give the poor bachelor guidance, their advice invariably sucks or is totally meaningless. Most of the time it’s “Wow, there are some great ladies here. I don’t envy you, Dude. You’ve got some tough choices to make there” or it becomes apparent that the friends have better chemistry with the ladies than the Bachelor as happened during Travis’s season. Seriously, what are the odds that Brad’s even going to invite Sean Phillips to the wedding reception? Fwiw, the way the Chargers are doing this year, Sean’s going to have lots of free time right after the New Year.

I do respect Brad for not giving in to the pity rose thing. I do think someone should check to make sure that one of the ladies, probably Jade, didn’t push Michele down those stairs, but you could tell that Michele was in trouble after that first hug. Brad didn’t hug her back much. It’s also not a great idea to use your alone time to say in consecutive sentences, “I want to get married and have kids and by the way I’m the oldest lady here.”
Perhaps, it was the concussion, but 34 year old bachelors don’t normally get hot and heavy over biological clock chatter on the first date.

It was a different but same sort of thing for Mallory. The editing made it look like Brad didn’t like the fact that she didn’t think about having a “job” in her fantasy. I don’t think that was it. Even breakfast in bed was an okay fantasy, but she lost him when she told him that in her fantasy he was making it for her then described exactly what he would have to include in that breakfast in very precise detail. Talk about your “high maintenance” warning signs. For any women reading this, if a guy asks you about your fantasy day, lie. It shouldn’t involve his doing household chores, you’re going shopping or to spas, or getting back rubs from him or anyone else. Tell him you want spend the day in bed or on the beach doing mutually pleasurable things repeatedly and continuously to one another. If he believes you at all, he’ll propose in like two weeks.

I think Erin made a mistake right from the beginning by telling Brad in the opening episode that she’d broken her face twice while playing touch football. That only works for Marsha Brady.

So we’re down to twelve and I still don’t know much about Brad or most of the ladies and that’s a bad sign. I believe that reality tv especially reality dating shows are still about the characters. So far, there’s been so much emphasis on “the craziest ladies yet” and the “sexiest bachelor date ever” that I’m not feeling a story much less a romantic story. I did enjoy the whole bikini date, but by the end of the evening I was still going which blonde was that who’s talking now? The alone time they did show was often incoherent and they showed so much catty behavior my list of ladies to vote off is way longer than the list of possible ones to root for at rose time. If I had to give Brad advice, it would be to show up for the show say forty five minutes early and offer a rose to Julianne Hough.

DeAnna Pappas: she’s being sold as the normal sane one. Even Sean Phillips liked her. While I liked the bit about I was with a guy for five years and he cheated on me as a story line, let me ask a question here. If you really have issues about being with a guy cheating on you, why would you go on a tv show where the man of your dreams dates twenty five women at the same time then invites four of them for alone time in the fantasy suite?

I’d say she looks like the favorite though. Btw, I’m always wrong.

Jenni Croft: When I was single and someone you were dating tells you that she has a modeling portfolio, that generally was not a bad thing for most guys. What next, “You know she posed for Playboy once?” Yeah, that’ll make Brad lose interest.
There’s obviously strong physical chemistry between Brad and Jenni a la Andy and Bevin and Lorenzo and Aghnese.

Solisa Shoop: Is this a little more x-rated rerun of Desiree from Lorenzo’s season? Did Joe Francis give Mike Fleiss some free footage from Girls Gone Wild? I wonder if she did body shots with Ryan Seacrest?

Estefania: They keep changing her name. Was she the other one who did body shots with Brad?

Lindsey: Okay, I’m going to wow him with my body on the beach date then tell him that I don’t do wild stuff in the hot tub. I’m not the aggressive type either, singing the Yellow Rose of Texas, well.., that was an aberration.

Kristy Katzmann: I know you were in this installment somewhere. Maybe her tongue was the wrong color that day.

Sarah: When Brad gives her the rose on the beach date, was I the only one who was totally baffled? Did they talk? Did she do anything? I think she did help serve drinks and I think they had one on one time to discuss how she's fun and he's serious and wouldn't it be great if they could mix and match?

Sheena Stewart: Which blonde is she?

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At 10/02/2007 10:14:00 PM, Blogger AHP said...

I'll never understand why women come on this show and get upset when the Bachelor gets cheeky with many of the other women. Do they really think he'll "save" himself for them when he barely even knows them and is in a situation that most men only dream of?

At 10/03/2007 10:22:00 AM, Blogger Chancelucky said...

I think one reason they act upset is that the producers encourage them to talk about things like that. I still say that you should go on the show. Just imagine how many people would start reading "Things I've Noticed".

At 10/04/2007 10:02:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm seeing no rhyme or reason to his rose selections yet. For Solisa (?) the esthetician, I call "producer's pick". He doesn't really seem like he's looking for a girl gone wild.

At 10/04/2007 11:22:00 AM, Blogger Chancelucky said...

If he seriously picks Solisa at the end of all this, it might be the end of the Bachelor as a franchise. I'm pretty certain he doesn't. They would never give the winner that kind of edit unless there's some sort of sudden conversion or Solisa has an evil twin who was there to test Brad and the ladies in some way.

Whoops....they already have that one going with Brad and his evil twin.....

At 10/07/2007 12:18:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It feels like this show is losing its grip. Even tho you are as observant and trenchant as always, it feels like the show is nearing the dreaded shoals of ho-hum.

Needs a shark maybe.

At 10/24/2007 01:32:00 PM, Blogger Chancelucky said...

Mr. Pogblog,
I think most would agree, this hasn't been one of the better seasons. IT's mostly the women saying mean things to one another while the Bachelor is both oblivious and strangely bland.


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