Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Multiple Tygasms (Bachelorette 4 round of 3)

Suppose they get a marriage out of this one, maybe they can go on the new Newlywed Game and Bob Eubanks can ask the couple about the most unusual place they've made love.

If ever there was a Bachelor moment, it came when Jeremy Anderson asked to stop after they drove him off in the limo of shame. He gets out, starts to walk around the walls of Deanna's fortress of roseitude then does kind of a take on Scarlett O’hara’s speech from Gone with the Wind. “As Fleiss will be my witness, I swear that I won’t lose anyone close to me again!”

It was such a breathtakingly good setup for making the guy the next Bachelor, I didn’t get much of a chance to think about all of its implications until well after the whole Jeremy beat down of the Men Tell All. First, the guys accused the Dallas attorney of not being a “team player”. I’d always wondered why gays sometimes talk about “playing for the other team”. If I understood this one, “it was that Jeremy couldn’t be on their team” because he was so busy chasing the one woman on the show instead of making nice with them in the outhouse. I have to say there was more gay subtext to that one than that whole bit in Top Gun where Val Kilmer and Tom Cruise banter about who gets to ride the other one’s tail the next time they fly into combat.

In the next bit, Jeremy got his chance to ask Deanna just when she knew that she wasn’t going to give him a rose. “After all, we just spent the night in the fantasy suite together,” he reminds her. Deanna bluntly informs Mr. Sensitivity that she realized on her overnight dates with Jason Mesnick and Jesse Csinksak that she was more in love with them than she was with Jeremy. I’m pretty sure they edited out the bit where she confessed “You know for such a short guy that Jesse sure had big hands and feet. Wow! Talk about being shredded!”

It reminded me of that exchange in When Harry Met Sally where Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan are talking about bad first dates and Harry says “Of course I slept with her, why not?” The big switch though is that the gender roles were completely reversed. Throughout his time on the show, Jeremy came off as a “Sally”. Once he opened up, he talked relentlessly about his dead parents and how much he needed Deanna in his life now that he’d made this place in his heart. Deanna kept proclaiming Jeremy “perfect”, but they missed one major problem. At heart, Jeremy Anderson’s courtship style was completely female. He was the one who would give her all those little kisses who wanted to check in with her on her feelings. His brothers even give Deanna the speech a Dad might give his daughter’s suitor, “We want to make sure you don’t hurt him.”

Yes, there were a few nods to masculinity. He hit baseballs better than the rest of the guys and he rode motorcycles, but did you get a load of the guy’s condo? This guy didn’t want to get Deanna in bed, he wanted to be her best girlfriend. Jeremy and Deanna was all about “Tell me your secrets”, “I’m your special one”, “We’ve got this bond no one else has.”

One of the fascinating things about this installment is that Deanna Pappas is a “Guy” at heart. Notice how unromantic she was about the fantasy suite thing. Where I criticized Matt Grant and Brad “that bastard” Womack, for pretty much pillaging and plundering throughout their fantasy date segments, Deanna was surprisingly and unapologetically not that different. Even early on, she gets to leer at Graham Bunn’s chest and how she wants him to walk around shirtless for the rest of the show. Where women are supposed to be the romantic butterflies flitting in different directions yet wanting to be caught, Deanna was “Dammit, open up to me now and be spontaneously fun so we can start this *($*$ relationship. I’ll tell you just what I want. Who needs foreplay?”

And what is Deanna Pappas’s idea of a good time? She likes driving around in various contraptions really really fast and pushing physical limits. She even tends bar. Sexually, Deanna’s no Sadie Murray. After all her talk about not wanting to be cheated on, she was perfectly comfortable inviting three guys to the fantasy suite and making out with them (Who knows what else may or may not have happened?) By contrast, Jeremy Anderson was “We had that special night together, how could you dump me after I shared my most precious gift with you?”

Anyway, Jeremy Anderson wasn’t a guy’s guy, but at some level Deanna Pappas is a guy who happens to be female. I definitely believed her when she told the guy “Hey we had a very special connection, but you didn’t get out of the friend zone.” It’s what a guy might tell his female best friend when the possibility of “something more” comes up.

All that said, I’ve now thought about Jeremy’s oath that he wasn’t ever going to lose anyone in his life again and I need to say this, “Get over it guy. People die unexpectedly. They let you down. They leave. Unlike your condo, life’s messy. Learn to enjoy it and stop wandering around like you’re Haley Joe Osment in the Sixth Sense and seeing dead people all the time.”

My wife and daughter however thought that Jeremy was just the greatest guy. You know what? That scares the heck out of me.

In the meantime, the show was clearly trying to sell us on the possibility of Jesse without ever being all that convincing. Yes, he does talk about wanting to marry right way and have kids, but the guy was notably evasive about the where and the how? He talked about maybe spending winters in “Breck” with his pal “Dee” where she could work as an abbreviator while he teaches snowboarding. When asked what he’ll do instead of snowboard, he says “Maybe I’ll be an agent or a manager or something.” When it came to the “how”, he got awful fuzzy awful fast.

Jesse makes sense of Deanna’s “guy” nature by treating her like one of the guys. Instead of being her “girlfriend”, Jesse makes Deanna his “buddy”. They hang out, they kid around with one another, and it works surprisingly well because Deanna discovers that she’s really comfortable being one of the guys with her pal Jesse. He does wheelies on his quad, they fall off horses, and he always has her back.

So, how does the whole Jason thing work if Jeremy is the “girlfriend” and Jess is the “buddy”? I think we’re being shown that while Jeremy has everything Deanna says she wants in a guy and while Graham might be what her hormones tell her to want, Jason is the guy who brings out the Deanna, she’s never allowed herself to know. It’s one of the oldest movie romance plots. Jason’s the guy who manages to bring out Deanna’s tender side, her need to be a mother, a part of a family that’s bigger than “What Deanna wants and needs”. He takes Deanna, the control freak, and gets her to let her guard down which in turn allows her to claim her own femininity. The symbolic moment n the story arc is the kayak thing. In the kayak together, Deanna and Jason are just a bit out of control and she’s actually has fun, real fun.

Personally, I’m a little turned off by some of Jason’s salesmanish lines like “Thankyou for helping to learn that I can fall in love again….” or choosing just the right moment to say “right now Ty and you are the things that I think about all the time, but let’s not talk about Ty tonight this is our night.” It comes off a bit like he’s done this close a few dozen times before, but you can see that it’s definitely turning Deanna to mush. This is the place she’s never been and with Jason, she’s not the bossy-direct Deanna that turns so many fans off. She cries spontaneously, turns into a verbal gusher, and seems touched at some deep little girl level. If it’s an act, it’s the best Fleiss has ever done at simulating actual romance. Jason’s the guy who’s giving Deanna multiple Tygasms.

Of course, one of the hot topics appears to be the very real heat between Graham and Deanna that still came across on the Men Tell All. I’m glad that Graham shaved. He also came across as much wittier and way more fun than he ever did on the show itself. The still heavy duty flirting and teasing between Graham and Deanna does suggest that she couldn’t possibly be that hot with anyone else. If you think that, you don’t watch enough romance movies. Yes, there does appear to be chemistry between Deanna and yet another guy who works in a bar. Some chemistry, however, is about explosions and some is all about the slow boil. There are any number of plots that start with the shyer nerdier guy who gets overlooked then wins out in the end. Graham may still be the guy who knows how to press Deanna Pappas’s buttons, but my guess is that they’ll find a way to make Jason the guy who knows how to open them.

Other bits:

1) I was irritated that Fred didn’t get to talk, then they had that cool bit with the attractive dark-haired woman giving Fred his rose.

2) Whatever I’ve said about Jeremy being too feminine. His exit was also pretty classy which suggests that he might make a good Bachelor.

3) Are they going to explain that blue golf ball thing with Ty?

4) If I were casting the Bachelorette movie. I’d do Bob Eubanks (the Newlywed Game host) for Jason Mesnick. A young Robin Williams for Jesse Csinksak, Dermot Mulroney or Dylan MacDermott (I’m pretty sure they’re actually the same actor) for Jeremy Anderson, Brad Womack for Graham Bunn….okay that’s not fair- how about Jesse Metcalfe (no physical resemblance, but they play the same role), and Tiffany Amber Thiessen (when she had dark hair) for Deanna Pappas.

5) I loved the bit with Paul sneaking a bubble bath. Jeremy going into her bedroom to kiss her was a little creepy. It was interesting that Graham would go talk to her and hug and makeup during the filming.

6) I don’t get why Ryan Hoag is so confrontational. Aren’t Christians supposed to turn the other cheek? I thought Deanna was perfectly appropriate with him. She was also right to tell Graham that meeting someone's parents is just part of the show.

7) The mullet chat about Sean was really funny.

8) She said she was engaged, but she didn’t say it was to anyone she met on the show. Maybe Brad comes back and proposes :}

Anyway, I still think this ends with Jason and Deanna with maybe Jason asking Deanna's dad for her hand and Ty popping up in some way. If it doesn't? Then well Frankly My Dear, I don't give a damn.

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At 7/01/2008 07:56:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This script has become all too familiar to now. In fact, it was only a couple of months ago when I last saw it.

Here are the parellels:

F4 Graham (Received the Noelle Drake edit of having a wall built around his head/heart)

F3 Jeremy (Received the Amanda
Rantuccio edit of being perfect in every way, even getting the first impression rose, but "just love the other two more")

F2 Jason (Receiving the Chelsea Wanstrath edit of being imperfect. In his case, the baggage is having a built-in family in which the ex is still looming large. In her case was the unforgivable phobia toward PDA.

F1 Jesse (Receiving the Shayne Lamas edit of being a snow monkey)

At 7/01/2008 09:48:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love your recaps! I kept checking for the new post today. Laughed out loud while reading it when it was finally posted.

At 7/02/2008 01:26:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I disagree with your assesment of Jeremy as not being a "guys guy". If anyone is feminine/effeminate, it's Jason. The way he jumps up and down when he sees DeAnna, tears up when she's telling her detached, matter-of-fact version of her mom's death, cries at every moment with Ty... I can't imagine he showed the guys this side of him, or he would have been ragged on, too! The main difference between him & Jeremy is that Jason becomes someone different around DeAnna, and Jeremy is always himself. He just didn't care to pal around with the guys in that environment because he was there for DeAnna. Women, (your wife,daughter and myself included) would love to be loved that way, and seeing someone like Jeremy give himself wholeheartedly renews our faith in men, ha! ha! (Hey, why do you think romantic movies make so much $$$?)

At 7/02/2008 06:05:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If I hear " I just want y'all to know that this is breaking mah heart raght now ..." one more time I am going to throw up.

Does every instant of every minute have to revolve around stupid, self-obsessed DEEE AHNNA.

She's boring! She also looked puffy on the MTA show ... what was that all about??

At 7/02/2008 06:23:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Insightful and hilarious. Thanks for the great recap.

At 7/02/2008 02:02:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to say, this is probably the most hilarious Bachelorette blog I've read so far. What can I say that hasn't already been said? I think the best part of the night was Chris Harrison's "Mullet Montage" tribute to Sean... LOL "Business in the front, party in the back!" "Is he a haircut away from winning your heart?" And my personal favorite, "Do you think he actually fought in the Cobra-Kai Dojo in Karate Kid?" Flippin' priceless. Chris Harrison is the man, and I give him props for not being cynical and jaded with all these tired and cliche Hollywood-tampered romance plots. Graham was awesomely sarcastic, too.

I think the next Bachelor should be a double feature and it should be called, "The Jeremy and Graham Show." Folks- nominate them here:

I have had such a roller coaster in my sentiments towards Deanna. On the one hand I love her for being the sassy, feisty, independent, in-your-face, brutally honest, I-know-what-I-want-and-don't-you-get-in-my-way (with neckroll and blinks included
) firecracker/pistol of a personality, but everytime she does something great- like pick a bachelor based on what's inside and not on the outside, or really see through to someone's true colors, she does something that makes me despise her again. The other side to her is this whiny, narcissistic, I-demand-your-attention-and-I'll-go-shrill-if-I-don't-get-it, drama queen that grates on my nerves. But, I have to give the girl credit. Throughout the whole thing, she was being real. She was being straight up. She is who she is, and she made no apologies for it. And all things considered, she's pretty effin' Badass. But I wanna pull her hair out, too. (After I brush it, of course.)

And finally. I love Jesse. He is my favorite, and has been for a very long time now. I love the person who so completely defies your expectations and shatters social norms and preconceived notions and stereotypical perceptions. I just hope he can back up what he's "shredding."

I'm in love with Tyler. Yes. And I think Jason is stable, but I don't know... I thought she might pick Jason (though Jesse is my favorite), but after reading an interview with Jeremy, I'm not so sure. He thinks it's Jesse. We'll just have to find out.

But yeah, what IS this suprise ending they are talking about? Why was everything on such lock down until now? What twists do we have to anticipate? Eh, I guess I'll waste two more hours of my life and guiltily tune in next Monday to find out.

Thanks for your blog, Chancelucky. Made me laugh.

At 7/02/2008 02:06:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm mad they didn't talk about Paul's "Deanna Drawers."

At 7/03/2008 09:50:00 AM, Blogger Chancelucky said...

First, I've never had 7 comments to respond to all at the same time. It's a great feeling to come back here and find so many people took the time to read one of my posts. Thanks to everyone who did. It makes it even more fun for me to blog the show when this happens.

ever if they are following the general form of Matt Grant's season, this season's way more interesting. Personally, I'd be surprised to see Jesse be the final one, but I've certainly been wrong before.

Anonymous 2, Thanks for your comments and for making my day.

Anonymous 3, I would certainly agree that Jason has a "feminine" side (not a bad thing as far as I'm concerned)....How do I put this....With Jeremy it felt like he needed a mother and Jason feels like he could fill in for a mother. My take is that Deanna years for the latter in some way.
But, yeah you're making a good point.

Anonymous 4: Maybe she's pregnant :} having little Jeremys and she's going to marry Jason or Jesse instead anyway.

Anonymous 5: thanks for the kind comments.

Lotus Blossom: I've always been a Chris Harrison fan. I wish they'd put him on Dancing with the Stars as a contestant. He's saved several bad installments of the Bachelor. I still remember his deadpan when Jesse Palmer gave a rose to the wrong girl.
If they had an Emmy for best Reality Show host, I'd give it to Chris, though I also think Ryan Seacrest is very skillful at it as well. Chris does a better job of staying out of the way though. Ryan sonmetimes seems too intent on grabbing the spotlight.

I did make my prediction for this one, but the main thing I write these things to be funny. I've rather liked the way they've presented Deanna. She's clearly no diplomat, but my take is that she remains likeable because she really does appear to be looking for a mate. I do think her directness is a good quality in general. As I mentioned, I married someone like that.

The two non-contenders I liked were Fred and Paul. Paul just seemed to have a great sense of humor about himself. Fred seemed like he'd be a nice guy in real life (you never really know though).

At 7/04/2008 10:32:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Once again, great synopsis. Of the many blogs I read on DeAnna's journey to love, yours is the best, mixing opinion and wit with realism, so thanks.

One of the message boards really nitpicks apart screen caps, so much that they're speculating Jesse will be the winner, and personally I can't accept that idea yet. As much as I think 'Okay, get a hold of yourself, this is just a show,' I just can't buy that she'll actually choose him as a life partner, let alone become engaged to him, right now at this time in his life. Nice guy to be around and have fun with? Most certainly. Man seriously ready to marry and settle down right now? Doesn't look/sound like it. Most all we've seen of them is a budding friendship with not much heat. Of the final 4, he's the one she has the least heat with, IMO. Besides, wouldn't she come off looking like an extremely big something-or-other if she lets Jason trek/bounce up to the FRC altar only to tell him how great he is, then jilt him? She seems smarter than that. And with what she's been through w/ Brad, surely she must have learned something about coming out smelling like a rose (pun intended) versus being a stinker.

And let's not forget how throughout the whole season she's reminded us so adamantly how she did not want to do what Brad did to her, which was lead people on. At this point, if she dumps Jason she'll come off looking way worse than Brad ever did since there's little Ty and all involved. If she dumps Jesse, she'd be more easily able to fall back on how their relationship blossomed a little too late and not look bad for saying it.

By the way, I loved Jeremy's sense of decorating, no kidding. Looked like he was channeling the Pottery Barn look. However, at the same time that kinda scared me since it was, in De's words, almost too 'perfect.' Sean's mullet took a beating, but he was a great sport and that was the funniest segment on the Men Tell all, along with Ron's Socrates impression. A great season compared to many others past.

At 7/04/2008 04:02:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I so agree...can't wrap my mind around the thought of Deanna picking Jesse in the end either. It defies logic, at least from what Fleiss & Co. have shown us. Jason seems more her speed, more settled in his own life, and goshdarnit, it would be a cryin' shame and border on cruelty for her to drag him and his son into this mess of a show only to show him the door in the end.

Love the comment about De having 'guy' traits. I see that too! And, to me, if she's really thinking and strategizing like a guy, that's part of the reason why she's kept Jesse up till prediction is she'll let him go at final 2 because she knows he won't be that heartbroken since whatever love story/attraction she says they have didn't start until towards the end of the show. It was smart of her to let Jeremy go last week. He was too attached while clearly she wasn't. If she's half as smart as I think she is, she'll choose Jason.

At 7/06/2008 07:38:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have you heard of Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor who wrote the current bestseller "My Stroke of Insight"? Taylor was a Harvard trained brain scientist who suffered a massive stroke. I don't think we'll ever hear a story like this - Taylor understands how the brain functions and she was able to observe her mind deteriorating. She writes about the euphoric nirvana and a sense of complete peace and well-being she discovered in her stroke and she talks about this in her incredible (don't miss it) talk on In the book, Taylor explains how to 'step to the right of their left brain' to uncover a deep internal peace. Meg Ryan was in the audience when Dr. Taylor gave her speech at TED... hey, maybe she'll do the movie and we'll all be able to "have what she's having" to reprise that line from When Harry Met Sally : ) Sign me up!

At 7/07/2008 10:38:00 AM, Blogger Chancelucky said...

thanks for your very kind comment. It sounds like you've been following the rumors on the boards too that Deanna somehow reverses field and picks Jesse. If that's the case, this was a very bizarre edit. They certainly could have shown the thing with Jesse building more and some doubt creeping in about jumping in to an instant family with Jason.
As is, they make Deanna look like a complete idiot. So yeah, we agree pretty much completely.
I also think that so far this has been maybe the best Bachelor season, but a deus ex Breckenridge ending could bring the whole thing down.


I think we have to realize that we don't know any of these people. I do often wonder what we're not being shown. What they have shown thus far is a "Jason" story. To edit it this way then slip a banana peel under their own storyline seems suicidal, but if I knew what sells on tv I'd probably be getting paid to consult on these shows or something.
The suspense though has been very entertaining.

I heard this woman's story on National Public Radio just the other day. Was very interesting to hear her discuss the way being more right-brained had affected her life.

At 7/08/2008 01:23:00 PM, Blogger BeckEye said...

So what is this, living proof that women claim to want sensitive men, but in the end decide that sensitive isn't sexy?

Or is it just living proof that scripted dating shows are never going away?

Waiting patiently for Michael Johns' divorce and subsequent reality dating show,

At 7/08/2008 04:27:00 PM, Blogger Chancelucky said...

I think it was just a case of someone not knowing herself as well as she thought. Generally, the louder and more insistent anyone is about something, the more likely that it's simply not true.

Mmmm...that would mean Michael Johns's wife would be available, but I'm already married.


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