The Chairman of the Bored (Bachelorette 4 Round of 6)

photo courtesy of ABC

A few people have noted that Deanna Pappas blinks a lot. On Deanna Tells All she also had a bit of hair that kept dropping across her forehead. These things happen when you violate the time-space continuum. While some reality shows really are more or less “live”, the Bachelor, by nature, is shown mostly after the fact. I think the only time it was live was when Charley asked for extra time to choose between Krisily Kennedy and Sarah. A few other reality shows do this as well, but the Bachelor complicates matters by including things like the Women/Men Tell All show which is also taped, but shot after the episodes have started airing. It’s more or less up to Chris Harrison to maintain the illusion that all these events are happening in tv present despite the fact that the time frames jump back and forth.

In the past, the other big problem has been that so much time passes between the final rose/ring and the airing of all the episodes, the Final Pair who aren’t allowed to appear in public together often lose interest in one another. I suspect that had something to do with the quick turnaround times with the last two shows, though I’m not sure it’s helped Shayne and Matt given that he just moved out of her condo. Anyway, so when exactly did they tape that interview with Chris Harrison and when did they get Deanna to say “I know my future husband is on this show”?

I do wish that Chris would try a few more follow up questions for things like “I never knew that Ryan Hoag was a virgin” (meaning that some of this was taped after the episodes actually aired). For instance, he could have asked, “Would that have changed your decision to not give him a rose?” or “Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have a male virgin in the fantasy suite with you?”

In the meantime, this was Trista’s millionth appearance on the show. Is Ryan Sutter ever going to get to say anything? When they do Bachelor 86 and Grandma Trista comes on some Bachelor special will she still be the only “successful” match in the history of the franchise? Who in the world did her makeup for that final rose ceremony with Alex Michel? No wonder the guy changed his mind. Of course Trista can be a stay at home mom with a fireman husband, I assume they pay the woman every time she shows up on this show. If that were my job, I’d love it too. I thought a long time ago at least in Bachelor terms she was studying to be a physical therapist.

Any time, they break out the Trista-Ryan-Max footage you know that they ran out of stuff to do on the show. I thought Deanna Tells All was going to be interesting, instead it was more like Deanna tells nothing that you’d actually care to know. You want an example? Ron Mayer, one of this year’s villains, played college football with Ryan Sutter. Maybe they could have asked Ryan what he thought of Ron’s attempt to blitz Jeremy Anderson? Well, there is the whole matter of Ryan never talks anyway, but you get the idea. How about, “Hey Deanna did you know that Bevin Powers was one of the bridesmades in Jason Mesnick’s first wedding?” Imagine having a whole wedding made of Bachelor and Bachelorette runner ups. Deanna would get to toss the bouquet and whoever caught it would get to be the next Bachelorette.

The other problem is that they just didn’t have enough material to do a two hour show with the round of six. The actual episode was about as flat as the town of Palm Springs itself. First, who could take Sean Ramey seriously after they did that little profile on the pre-show? Gas is four and half dollars a gallon and he’s tooling around in his Hummer and going on about Louis Vuitton luggage. This is not to mention the home tanning booth and the three calls a day with mom. Alex Michel…if you’re still looking for a mate, I think we’ve found him in Kentucky.

I know that the Bachelor is about Fleiss’s notions of regular people’s materialistic fantasies, but I honestly wouldn’t mind seeing a “greener” Bachelor. They don’t have to fly everywhere in helicopters or tear up the desert ecosystem on four wheelers. While I’m at it, what’s with all the singing this year? We already established that Jeremy can’t sing, do we have to find out yet again? And geez, what’s the point of staying in the Chairman of the Board’s house if you don’t know his music?

In the meantime, I say slit the throat of whoever next says “family is really important to me” on this show. What next? Let me guess….you want someone you’re really passionate and excited about who you can spend the rest of your life with. You want to hear this sort of stuff, they need to match the Bachelorette with twenty five greeting card writers.

It was sort of fun to learn that Blaine Twilley is Howard Twilley’s son. I had wondered about the Tulsa connection. Btw, Howard Twilley was the prototype for Steve Largent who went on to become a Republican congressman, maybe Bachelor Twilley went on the show to run for office. He certainly didn’t seem to be on the thing to find romance. Yeah, the bit with the helicopter door was just dumb, but did we ever get to seem him have a normal conversation with anyone?

Usually, the final six is one of the more interesting episodes. It’s the point in the show where there are still possibilities, yet the viewer actually knows at least a little bit about each of the folks who still have a chance. This time, though, it was one hour that felt like two hours with or without the cocktail party. Part of the problem is that there was so little doubt about Deanna’s final four. I can count the moments worth seeing in this installment on one hand.

1) Deanna in a bikini again. This is interesting because, I thought she was third behind Bettina Bell and Jenni Croft in the swimsuit phase of the Bachelor. If they get her to tell America who her trainer’s been, she can make that person rich.
2) Jesse not quite getting there with the kiss. I’ve never seen a Bachelorette/Bachelor not get kissed more than this one. It’s kind of interesting.
3) Twilley’s complete lack of disappointment at not getting a rose
4) Chris Harrison missing his “Just one rose left” cue. I figure he was tired from all that heavy lifting on Deanna Tells All. Mmmmm….can I find another way to bring up the Brad Womack thing again?
5) Jeremy comparing taking the bar exam to thrill seeking. I don’t even know what to say. I think Deanna thinks thrill seeking is Jesse losing a whole layer of skin from failing to do that wheelie in the desert.

I’m still going with the whole Jason story line, as in the Bachelor franchise’s second family. I know there are people spreading the rumor that Deanna pulls a Brad and doesn’t choose anyone, but that would be the equivalent of Obama picking John Kerrey as his running mate. No, it’s more like Obama picking Joe Lieberman. I can’t see them destroying the franchise just for the heck of it, though Deanna Pappas definitely isn’t getting the “America’s sweetheart” edit. They’re showing her as self-centered, vain (those talks about guys falling for her), and more than a little confrontational at times. I sort of like it though I’m a little worried that I mentioned that my wife is sort of similar to Deanna in many ways (it’s more the confrontational-I know what a I want part). Anyway, watch for Ty to break out that star certificate thing.
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