Reality Stars vs. Movie Stars (Bachelor 12 round of 6)

While much has been made of Shayne Lamas being an actress, there are actually two actresses on the show and both happen to be in the final four. Noelle Drake is officially listed as a “photographer” from Colorado, but she’s already been featured on several non-reality series including an episode of House. In past seasons young women who appeared on the show and who turned out to be actresses were accused of having ulterior motives for being a bachelorette. For Matt Grant though, being an actress is right up there with packing hundreds of dollars of makeup along just in case you need to touch up between falls on the snowboarding run.

It’s fascinating to me that Shayne Lamas and Noelle Drake appear to evoke two different conceptions of actress. Shayne appears to be very much out of the Cristina Applegate school. Sitcom or Soap Opera perfect, cute, bubbly, not a lot of dramatic range. I could see her playing someone’s annoying sister or a not too dependable best friend. She’s blonde, perky, fussy about clothes and makeup.

This is impression only, but I was struck on Noelle Drake’s one on one ice skating date by the way she evoked the old movie star notion of actress. She came across as a tv presence who could really be made to look both glamourous and mysterious. I mean old school actress is something like Elizabeth Taylor’s turn in a Place in the Sun or say Ava Gardner in Mogambo. Their appeal was sort of luminous and layered.

Ironically, Shayne Lamas’s blood line includes two women from the old school. Her grandmother Arlene Dahl even dated JFK at one point (very different from dating Bill Clinton). Her step-Grandmother Esther Williams was the Million Dollar Mermaid. Yeah, I know there’s now the story about how Esther Williams fell out of love with Jeff Chandler because it turned out that he was a cross dresser, but that’s old time Hollywood. In the words of Gloria Swanson’s character in Sunset Boulevard, “I’m still big, it’s the movies that got small.”

Anyway, the footage from Noelle Drake’s time with Matt was very reminiscent of the romances in the old movies. They share a moment of shared hardship that reflects their character, facial reconstruction. Somehwere near the end, Noelle reveals to the Bachelor that she’s only brought one other young man home and this part isn’t a game.

So what do I make of Matt Grant being so smitten with Shayne and the cutesie snuggly always lying down conversations vs. the more smoldering appeal of Noelle? Is this guy nuts? Maybe the short answer is that he’s English. They like Benny Hill. The screencappers are pretty much insisting that Noelle is the next one out, but if this one did blossom it would be a terrific story arc. (very much an old time Hollywood plotline. the real movie star shows up unexpectedly)

I am still mystified as to why they’re showing so much chemistry between Matt and Amanda Rantuccio but also so little footage. When she drags him away for private time in the pool at Sun Valley, she has her legs intertwined in his, her eyes sort of dance, as she teases him about her parents living in a double wide trailer and stewing up opossum. The guy seems to be big on having a sense of humor. Chelsea has it. Amanda has it (apparently so do Amanda’s mom and dad). Robin Canfield and Marshana Ritchie definitely didn’t have senses of humor (at least based on the edit). Shayne might be a humor match for Matt, but it seems like the stuff that should be funny is also real. As in, yes it’s hilarious that she has multiple suitcases of shoes, does the spray tanner, and brings a parka full of makeup on the ski date, but she also really is doing all that stuff. Just a word of warning from someone who’s been there (to be clear I’m not referring to Mrs. Chancelucky), all that kooky quirky stuff might be fun for a while but it changes in a hurry once you start living with it.

Both my wife and daughter are down on this season of the Bachelor, so much so that they refused to watch last night. In my daughter’s words, “This season is boring.”

My wife just found the whole Marshana vs. the world confrontation distasteful though not boring. I personally thought Marshana’s story arc was pretty fascinating. I thought she was hilarious in that ski run at the end. The self-designed costumes were awesomely awful. After being a genie and an East Indian princess, last night she appeared to settle for being the lost member of the Supremes then tripped on her way out. My big complaint isn’t what happened with Marshana, it’s more that we tv viewers got so little insight into why she is who she is.

First she wasn’t Miss New York (Miss America or Miss Universe), she was Miss New York Earth. Miss Earth promotes environmental awareness. Second I did want to know some about how Marshana grew up. Okay, I’ll go there. Did she grow up ghetto? Is she some middle class kid who went to a boarding school who is putting on being Brooklyn?
What the hell was she like in her regular life? I didn’t think the match would work, but I really wanted to see that home visit. I do think if she were Jenny from the Block, some of the misunderstandings and her struggles with feeling left out become way more sympathetic. Of course, she could well have been yet another actress placed in the house to stir things up. That said, I still have to say that her endzone dance when Noelle got the private date instead of Robin was pretty weird regardless of socio-economic factors.
Still, I never had a clue as to why she wanted Matt so badly. She really did say, I did all this stuff that he likes and I hated every moment of it….Shouldn’t that have been a clue?

Did he lead Robin Canfield on? I tend to think the best way to read Matt Grant is by the way he kisses. Last week, Holly Durst got the peck. Same thing with Robin. In any case, he’s offering plenty of opportunities to read his feelings via those kisses. My take is that it was all the one on one timeus interruptus. Guys just hate that.
From a tv standpoint, it was a great exit particularly the choice to do it in French after working so hard pre-rose to establish how down with being British she was. Everyone knows that the British would prefer not to speak French and of course Robin would know that. Anyway, imagine for a minute that you’re really dating someone like Robin. Every time she has a doubt about what’s going on emotionally, she steps right up and asks about it. I’ve never known any guy who really wanted that. Look, sometimes when it comes to relationships men just like to slide a bit. They don’t want to play “What’s this mean, what did that mean? So….tell me where things stand now…”

Did she get that she wasn’t trying to date Doctor Phil?

Honestly, I haven’t figured out the Chelsea thing. It’s fine that she’s not into public displays of affection, but you’re telling me that this guy would be comfortable with that?
Btw, if you don’t like holding hands, why would you ask the guy to arm wrestle the moment you met him? I do love Chelsea’s whole swaggery walk and I did sort of like the way she confronted Marshana though I’m not sure about doing it in front of the other ladies and three national tv cameras. It did seem that someone did need to be real about the fact that Marshana seemed to be suffering in every activity. I thought walking away was a good choice too. I am, however, not so sure about writing up her own fantasy suite card for Matt.

Some of the sleuthers are insisting that if it’s not Shayne, then Chelsea’s the winner. I dunno, that’s almost the reverse from what I’d want to see in the name of really good reality tv (Noelle and Amanda are way more interesting), but then I’m not Matt. Chelsea does deserve points for hugging Marshana after the rose rejection thing.

I do disagree with my daughter about this installment being boring. I think from 9 on down, Matt showed pretty good judgment in weeding out the psychos. In fact, the eliminations have been so obvious the last two weeks it hasn’t felt like he’s actually having to “pick” anyone. I assume that changes in the next two weeks.

Obviously, I’m not a Shayne fan, but I certainly understand the attraction and she’s getting her moments. For one, she was the one who tried to calm Marshana down. Amanda may have wisely stayed out of it, but Shayne actually seems emotionally constructive and courageous with the other ladies. Anyway, she projects shallow yet there are signs of depth and substance that come through (we’re talking in tv terms here).

The attraction with the other three does in fact seem both very real and very distinct in each case. There are even signs that Matt’s tried to talk to the ladies and that it even matters (unlike Brad or Andy). Anyway, the choice is actually kind of interesting. He likes Chelsea’s physicality and Amanda’s humor certainly comes across. The whole “You are dangerous” (shades of that homo-erotic thing between Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer in Top Gun) with Noelle actually played pretty well. Chelsea and Noelle also seem to be playing the “keep something in reserve” bit a la Tessa Horst. Then there’s this whole “You’re so exotic” to me thing going on with Shayne.

They haven’t built the relationships much with the other three ladies, but if some actual feelings/sparks make it on camera in the last three episodes with them (that is what makes the show work with viewers, it just can’t necessarily be made to happen) then it gets pretty interesting. It would also help if Matt actually opened up a bit. So far about all I know is that he likes to make a joke now and then and says “Brilliant” a lot. If he has any real feelings, fears, quirks of his own the producers need to get them across soon. Otherwise, this has all just been a product placement for Shayne Lamas’s acting career.

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